On difficult days, many parents find themselves repeating the same request several times. "Get dressed." "Pack your school bag." "Brush your teeth." "Put your shoes on." And then: "I've told you three times."
Sometimes the problem lies in the instruction itself. Perhaps it is too broad. Perhaps the child did not hear it. Perhaps they do not understand one of the steps. But at other times, the child knows perfectly well what they need to do and still needs the adult to remind them again and again.
This raises another question: How do we move from an instruction the adult constantly repeats to an action the child begins to remember and carry out with greater independence?
Following instructions is one of the six habits of the Langford Method and appears first within the framework. Not because the other habits have to wait until this one is fully developed, but because much of children's learning begins with some form of guidance: listen, understand, act.
Over time, we want to add something more: remember, take responsibility and act with less intervention.
1. First, Get Their Attention
Before concluding "They're not listening to me," it is worth asking: "Did they actually receive the instruction?"
A child may be playing, looking at something else, talking or deeply engaged in an activity. Giving an instruction from another room and repeating it more and more loudly does not necessarily improve communication.
Whenever possible: approach, get their attention, then give the instruction.
An instruction cannot be followed if it has not first been sufficiently attended to and understood. This distinction matters because not responding to an instruction does not always mean refusing to follow it. Before addressing the behaviour, we need to know whether the child actually registered what was being asked.
2. Give Brief, Specific Instructions
Compare "Get ready" with "Put your shoes on and get your school bag."
The first instruction may contain many implicit actions:
- getting dressed
- washing
- finding materials
- putting on shoes
- packing a school bag
- remembering what is missing
For an adult, all of these may be part of getting ready. For a child, perhaps not yet.
A specific instruction reduces the number of things the child needs to interpret before beginning.
As children become familiar with a routine, broader instructions may gradually become sufficient. "Get ready for school" can eventually represent a familiar sequence. But before children can respond to a broad instruction independently, they may first need to learn the individual steps that it contains.
3. Distinguish Between an Instruction, a Rule and a Routine
Not everything we ask a child to do works in the same way.
An instruction might be: "Put the glass on the table." A rule might be: "We don't hit." A routine might be: "After dinner, we brush our teeth."
This distinction matters. A new instruction may need explanation. A rule may need a clear boundary. A familiar routine should depend on fewer reminders as time goes on.
Before repeating something many times, we can ask: "Am I teaching something new, or reminding them of something they already know?"
If it is new, the child needs teaching. If they already know it, they may need practice in beginning to take responsibility for it.
This helps us tell apart two very different needs: "I don't yet know what to do" versus "I know what to do, but I still depend on someone else to remind me."
4. Make Everyday Routines Predictable
Many instructions are repeated every day because they form part of routines. Getting up. Getting dressed. Getting ready for school. Tidying up. Brushing teeth. Getting ready for bed.
When the sequence is relatively stable, children can begin to anticipate what comes next.
At first, the adult reminds the child of each step. Then, the adult reminds them of the routine. Later, the child recognises the cue and begins.
For example, the adult might say: "Put your pyjamas on." Later, it becomes: "It's time to get ready for bed." And with time, the aim is for the context itself to indicate what needs to happen next.
A well-learnt routine can turn several adult instructions into a sequence the child begins to remember independently. This is one of the ways external guidance can gradually become greater self-direction.
5. After Giving the Instruction, Allow Time to Respond
Sometimes we give an instruction and repeat it two seconds later. Then again. And eventually, we do the task ourselves. The child has barely had an opportunity to act.
Once we know that the instruction was sufficiently clear, we need to allow reasonable time for the child to process it and begin. Some children will need more time than others.
We can think of it as: instruction, then pause, then opportunity to respond.
If we intervene immediately, we may unintentionally establish a pattern in which the first instruction does not really signal that it is time to begin. The child may learn to wait for the next reminder.
This does not mean waiting indefinitely. It means giving the child a genuine opportunity to act before adding another reminder or another level of support.
The pause also gives the adult useful information. Did the child begin? Did they appear confused? Did they need a prompt? Did they understand but resist starting? Those situations may require different responses.
6. Gradually Reduce Reminders
This is one of the most important steps. We are looking for a pattern like this: the adult explains, then the adult reminds, then the adult gives a cue, then the child remembers, then the child acts.
For example: "Put your shoes in the cupboard." Later: "Where do your shoes go?" Later still, perhaps: "Shoes." And eventually, nothing may need to be said. The routine begins to belong to the child.
Here we can see the relationship between following instructions and independence. At first, direction comes mainly from outside. With practice, some of that direction begins to be taken on by the child.
Reducing reminders does not mean withdrawing support before the child is ready. It means observing when a smaller amount of support may now be enough.
The question becomes: "What is the least amount of prompting this child needs to know what to do and begin?"
How Does the Langford Method Develop the Habit of Following Instructions?
Following instructions is one of the six habits of the Langford Method, alongside self-control, independence, calmness, willingness to act and practice.
During activities, children encounter brief instructions and a structure that is repeated across sessions. This provides opportunities to practise a basic sequence: attend, understand, act.
As the structure becomes familiar, we are looking for something more: less explanation, fewer reminders, greater independence.
The goal is not for children to remain permanently dependent on an adult telling them every step. Initial guidance should become, over time, a capacity to understand what needs to be done and take action with less intervention.
In this sense, following instructions and independence are not opposites. The instruction may begin externally. The developmental aim is for the child to understand, remember and take greater responsibility for what they already know they need to do.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if My Child Doesn't Understand the Instruction?
Teach them first. You can break the task into smaller steps, demonstrate an example, use visual supports or simplify the language.
If the child does not yet know what to do, repeating the same instruction more firmly may not solve the problem. First ask: "What part needs to be taught?"
Once the child understands the task, you can begin observing how much support they need to carry it out.
How Many Times Should I Repeat an Instruction?
There is no universal number. Instead, observe why the child needs the reminder. Did they hear and understand the instruction? Is the task new? Do they need more processing time? Is the routine already familiar? Are they capable of doing it but still relying on adult prompting?
When the routine has already been learnt, try reducing the amount of help bit by bit rather than maintaining the same pattern indefinitely. The goal is not to achieve a particular number of reminders. It is to see whether the child can gradually respond with less external prompting.
What if My Child Needs Additional Support?
Some children may benefit from shorter instructions, visual supports, more processing time, demonstrations, or tasks divided into smaller steps.
Needing additional support does not mean that the broader developmental direction changes. We can still ask: "What support helps this child participate successfully, and where can they gradually take on more themselves?"
What if My Child Knows Exactly What to Do but Doesn't Want To?
First distinguish between understanding, capability and willingness.
If the child understands the task and is capable of doing it, the difficulty may no longer be primarily about following the instruction. It may involve responsibility or willingness to act.
You can acknowledge the feeling without automatically removing the expectation: "I understand that you don't want to do it. You still need to do it."
If the resistance is frequent, it is also worth reviewing the routine, the level of difficulty and the support being provided.
The important distinction is between "I don't understand what to do," "I can't yet do it," and "I know what to do, but I don't want to do it." Those situations can look similar from the outside but may require different responses.
Conclusion: From Hearing the Instruction to Taking Responsibility
Following instructions begins with the adult. Someone teaches, explains, reminds, supervises. But it should not end there.
Over time, we are looking for a transformation. "Someone tells me what to do" becomes "I know what I need to do." "Someone reminds me" becomes "I'm beginning to remember." "Someone supervises me" becomes "I can take responsibility for it."
The goal of following instructions is therefore not simply to produce immediate compliance. It is to help children listen, understand, act, and take greater responsibility for what they already know they need to do.
An instruction begins on the outside; the habit becomes established as the child needs it to be repeated less and less.