Have you ever heard your child say, “I don’t want to do it,” “It’s boring,” or “I can’t do it”?
When children lose interest in an activity, it’s easy to assume they need to try harder or become more motivated.
But what is really happening?
Sometimes an activity is too difficult. Other times, children may not understand what they need to do, feel tired, or have tried several times without making progress.
It may also be that they understand the activity and are capable of doing it, but would rather do something else.
Before trying to motivate a child, we need to understand what may be making it difficult for them to take action.
These five keys can help us recognise different forms of motivation and create conditions that support participation, learning and independence.
1. Understanding what motivates us to act
Motivation can encourage us to begin an activity, pursue a goal or continue doing something we consider important.
However, we don’t always act for the same reasons.
There are two situations worth considering:
Autonomous motivation: This occurs when the decision to act comes from within ourselves. We may do something because it interests us, because we want to learn, or because we have decided to achieve a goal, even when the activity itself is not always enjoyable.
For example, a child decides to learn English because they want to communicate with family members who speak the language. Practising may be difficult, but the child has a personal reason for learning.
External motivation: In this article, we use this term to describe situations in which we act to receive something in return, such as a reward or recognition, or to avoid a consequence imposed by someone else.
For example, a child completes their homework because their parents have promised a reward if they finish it.
Both can lead us to act, but there is an important difference between acting because of a personal decision and acting mainly to receive something in return.
Having a personal reason to act also does not guarantee that we will always feel like getting started.
This is where Willingness to Act becomes important: the ability we develop to begin and continue fulfilling our responsibilities, even when we don’t feel enthusiastic.
2. Rewards can help, but they shouldn’t be our only strategy
Rewards, praise and other incentives can encourage children to begin an activity or remain engaged.
However, a reward does not guarantee that children have developed an interest in what they are doing or the ability to continue without it.
Imagine a child who completes their homework only because they will receive a reward.
What happens when the reward is no longer offered?
The child may continue working, but they may also stop.
That’s why, alongside recognising their efforts, we should provide experiences that help children understand what they are doing, develop their capabilities and gradually take greater responsibility.
A child may begin an activity expecting a reward and, over time, discover that they enjoy learning or personally recognise its importance.
Some children may also need external incentives during particular stages. Not everyone responds in the same way.
Rewards can be useful, but we also need to help children develop their own reasons for acting and the ability to continue without always depending on an external incentive.
3. Independence and developing capabilities can support motivation
Imagine a child who needs help every time they try to complete an activity.
Even when they want to learn, constantly depending on others for answers may make it difficult for them to recognise their own capabilities.
Now imagine that the child begins to understand instructions, complete some steps independently and overcome difficulties they could not manage before.
These experiences may help build confidence and provide new reasons to continue.
We can support this process by:
- Offering appropriate challenges: Activities children can approach successfully while developing new capabilities.
- Providing opportunities to make decisions: Small choices suited to their age and responsibilities.
- Allowing children to act: Offering guidance when necessary without constantly completing tasks for them.
- Helping them understand the purpose: Discussing why an activity may be useful or important.
We cannot guarantee that these conditions will motivate every child.
But we can provide opportunities for children to discover what they are capable of learning and doing independently.
Experiencing a sense of capability can become a reason to want to keep learning.
4. A lack of motivation can have different causes
When children avoid an activity, become distracted or say they don’t want to continue, we need to observe before drawing conclusions.
Their behaviour may be related to different situations.
The activity is too difficult. They may not yet have developed the capabilities needed to complete it.
The activity is too easy or repetitive. In some cases, children may lose interest because they need a different challenge. However, an easy activity can also be enjoyable when it allows them to participate and demonstrate what they know.
They don’t understand the instructions. When children are unsure what to do, they may find it difficult to begin.
They have experienced frustration. Trying repeatedly without making progress can reduce their willingness to continue.
They are tired or under too much pressure. Rest, emotions and personal circumstances also influence participation.
They cannot find a personal reason for the activity. They may not understand its value or may be participating only because they expect something in return.
They can do it, but don’t feel like doing it. In this situation, they may need opportunities to develop their Willingness to Act and take greater responsibility for something within their capabilities.
These situations call for different responses.
A tired child may need rest.
A child who doesn’t understand an activity may need clearer instructions.
A child who has not yet developed the necessary capabilities may need a different starting point.
And a child who already knows how to do something may need opportunities to develop their Willingness to Act and take greater responsibility.
Before saying, “My child lacks motivation,” it is worth asking, “What is making it difficult for my child to participate or act independently?”
5. Creating conditions that support motivation and the Willingness to Act
There is no single strategy that works for every child.
The most appropriate response depends on what is happening.
However, we can begin with a few simple actions.
Observe before intervening. Consider whether the child is experiencing a difficulty, needs rest or is facing an activity that is not appropriate for their current capabilities.
Give clear instructions. Explain what needs to be done, demonstrate an example when necessary and allow enough time to respond.
Offer manageable challenges. Begin with an activity the child can approach and gradually increase the difficulty.
Provide opportunities to make decisions. Allow children to participate in age-appropriate choices and understand the responsibilities they are taking on.
Recognise developing capabilities. Help children identify what they are learning and what they can now do independently, without relying solely on praise or rewards.
We also need to teach children that some activities are part of our responsibilities, even when they are not particularly interesting.
A child may understand that they need to prepare their school materials and decide to do so, even though they would rather keep playing.
This gives them an opportunity to practise their Willingness to Act.
But teaching responsibility does not require children to continue indefinitely with an activity they do not understand or that exceeds their current capabilities.
We want children to develop their own reasons for learning and the ability to act with growing independence, even when they don’t feel like doing something.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does my child lose motivation to learn?
There may be several reasons, including an activity that is too difficult, lack of understanding, frustration, tiredness, pressure or the absence of a personal reason to participate.
Before looking for ways to motivate your child, try to understand what is happening and what they need in order to learn.
What is the difference between autonomous and external motivation?
Autonomous motivation occurs when we act because of a decision we have made our own, even if the activity itself is not always enjoyable.
External motivation, as we use the term in this article, refers to acting to receive a reward or recognition, or to avoid a consequence imposed by someone else.
The difference lies in what moves us to act.
Are rewards bad?
Not necessarily.
They can be useful in certain circumstances, but they should not be our only strategy.
Children also need opportunities to develop capabilities, understand the value of activities and take responsibility with growing independence.
What can I do if my child says they can’t do something?
First, find out which part of the activity they are finding difficult.
They may need clearer instructions, an example, a simpler task or an opportunity to develop a foundational capability.
More encouragement is not always the answer. Sometimes children need different conditions in order to learn.
What if my child doesn’t feel like doing something?
First, we need to distinguish between a child who can complete the activity and one who still needs to learn how to do it.
When children have the necessary capabilities, we can help them understand their responsibilities and provide opportunities to begin independently.
Willingness to Act develops gradually through appropriate experiences, not simply by repeatedly telling children to try harder.
Conclusion: Understand before demanding motivation
Motivation can help us begin and continue an activity, but our reasons and enthusiasm may change.
Sometimes we act because something interests us. Other times, because we have decided to achieve an important goal, even when the journey requires effort.
We may also act because of external rewards or demands.
In raising our children, I believe it is important to help them develop their own reasons for acting and the capabilities needed to follow through.
But when a child loses motivation, our first response should not be to demand more effort.
We need to understand what is happening.
Perhaps they need clearer instructions, a different challenge, opportunities to practise, greater independence or simply some rest.
And when they already have the necessary capabilities, we can help them take responsibility and develop their Willingness to Act.
Motivation can give us a reason to begin. Willingness to Act helps us put our decisions into practice, even when we don’t feel like it.
Helping children develop both can support their participation in learning with growing independence.
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